the gap. the space between the have and the haven’t.
Now my friends, I am opposed to the system of society in which we live today, not because I lack the natural equipment to do for myself but because I am not satisfied to make myself comfortable knowing that there are thousands of my fellow men who suffer for the barest necessities of life. We were taught under the old ethic that man’s business on this earth was to look out for himself. That was the ethic of the jungle; the ethic of the wild beast. Take care of yourself, no matter what may become of your fellow man. Thousands of years ago the question was asked; “Am I my brother’s keeper?” That question has never yet been answered in a way that is satisfactory to civilized society.
Yes, I am my brother’s keeper.
Eugene V. Debs
the need. the space between the is and the should.
Filed under: lists, music | Tags: air drum, band marino, band names, cars, driving, grizzly bear, music, spoon, u2
I know a lot of people that hate driving. I guess the thought of being confined in a metal (or, in Saturn’s case, dent-resistant plastic) cage, weaving through mazes crowded with other metal cages, isn’t appealing.
on the other hand, there’s me. I love driving. it’s an opportunity for me to rock out with my engine block out, to air drum shamelessly* and refine my sweet stage moves. driving plays directly into my (not so) secret to be a rockstar, a pied-piper of screaming, adolescent fans. just once I’d like my existence to usher an entire generation into pubescent pandemonium and hysteria. I don’t think that’s too much to ask (but certainly way too much to work toward).
I’ve recorded myself on my mac’s garageband, and I know full-well that I sound awful. go ahead and add my singing as the eighth modern deadly sin. when this unfortunate reality creeps into my consciousness as I drive, I stop the playtime and contemplate about other things. mostly, I come up with possible band names. if I can’t be in a band, I might as well be prepared to suggest a name to friends who have some musical talent.
think about it. band names can make you hate a band (puddle of mudd, the the, hoobastank, U2) or love a band (grizzly bear, spoon, band marino, U2). okay, the quality of their music probably plays the biggest part in your love or hate for said band, but the band name undoubtedly plays some role.
I know that there’s a band name generator out there, and even an entire blog dedicated to suggesting names. but why hasn’t anyone made a career out of providing actual band names? better yet, how about a subscriber-service that matches each band’s genre, personality, and preferences with the ideal band name? a match.com for bands and band names!
..and this is why I’m no businessman (“I’m a business, man”).
anyway, here it is, an abridged list of band names, in no particular order:
- the quintessential petting zoo
- your permanent record
- the dermis band
- 8-leg salute
divide by zero(band exists – thanks Sophia)- flo and the rescent
- rest ye merry gentlemen
- wide rule paper vs. all
- high time for mr. mackey
- bullet point
- my mother, the fish
- my favorite alloy
- upside down rock cake
- rodney carney asada
- the plastic lanyards
- dentured servanthood
- crossbar
- hollywood, nova scotia
- i feel blank when you blank / the “i feel” statements
- license bowl
- hester and the whores
- guppy showtime
- tube sock your face
- debbie’s got some uppers
- sucks to our assmars
- fight, flight, or stall
- the corner ofs
- nashua
- goodbye, balloon
- the oh hell no’s
- support beam
- norse code
- 5am bathroom break
- creep what you sow
- lysdexic all-stars
- toolbox betty
- neat
- best-laid planes
- internal request
- man against men
bear vs. shark(band exists)- basil and toast
- push broom mafia
- temper the egg
- the hints
- gertrude
- hopescotch
- bringed and brought
- the prep clause
- the soapbox offering
- good morning, tom tancredo
- gold medal podium
- thanks for calling and the please holds
*one thing I have learned is to never air drum when there is an actual drummer in your car. it’s super embarassing and you KNOW that they’re judging you in all your drum-massacring glory.
Filed under: music, reflection, reviews | Tags: alison krauss, music, the acorns, wilco
no, not stuff I’m listening to at this very moment. if that were the case, you’d be reading a few-hundred-word write-up about an extremely pretentious, grunge-hip mandolin/spoken word duo playing on the stage of rebecca’s coffee shop (come on, the “my mother was a drunk” line is a tad overplayed, no?). two 30-minute sets. two.. 30-minute.. sets. no lack of effort or prolificness here.
“prolificness” is an ugly, ugly word. ugly, but real. I’d much rather use something like “prolificity” or “prolificism.” alas.
rather, here’s just some stuff that I’ve been listening to lately. most of these artists/albums aren’t upcoming releases (GASP! music stuff on a blog about things that have already been released?!). yeap, just stuff you’ll find on the “Recently Played” list of my itunes and last.fm page.
Wilco - Sky Blue Sky
in terms of daring and innovation, this is the most timid, subdued wilco album so far. I guess that’s a little bit like saying “the pyramids are the least impressive of the world wonders” or “between the wheel, fire, and agriculture, fire was the least daring of prehistoric innovations” – take that as you may. anyway, if I may use music critic language for a moment, Sky Blue Sky is the safest album Wilco’s put out. (heh, put out. bro-tastic!)
regardless, it’s a wonderful 12-song album that picks me up and carries me through various moods and mental landscapes in a 50-minute span. I can easily picture myself walking through uniquely hued, individually themed backdrops at various paces: a brisk elbows up strut in the sun during “Walken,” a head-down, foot-dragging mope in a soft mist during “Please Be Patient with Me,” and a glazed-over, emotional zombie walk through the rooms of a small, sparsely decorated yellow house during “Hate It Here.”
anytime I want to be reminded that it’s okay to feel eighteen different emotions, this is the album to which I turn.
“Walken”:
“Please Be Patient with Me”:
“Hate It Here”:
The Acorn – Tin Fist / Blankets! / The Pink Ghosts / Glory Hope Mountain
equal parts whimsy, musicianship, and restraint, the acorn have become one of my favorite bands. each of their songs – as well as every movement, stanza, crescendo, and hushed whisper that each song consists of – seems to have a deliberate path and purpose. I’ve never been the biggest fan of classical music, but I’ve always appreciated the beauty and power of distinct, yet cohesive, movements. this band definitely takes advantage of the raw emotional push-and-pull behind musical and lyrical dynamics. the end result is a flood of comfort in and adoration for their music. lyrics are sophisticated in their simplicity, and the music is able to move me because it flows with conviction in the direction for which it was designed. even songs without words (like “Do You Not Yearn, At All?”) are constructed to dig into your musical heart and pull you along for the ride.
“Dents”:
“Plates and Saucers”:
“Do You Not Yearn, At All?”:
Alison Krauss and Union Station – Lonely Runs Both Ways
if it’s possible for a songstress to possess a voice that’s both heartbreaking and uplifting with every note she sings, alison krauss is it. the clarity and crispness of her voice makes those few instances where emotion trumps technique all the more noticeable and compelling. the songs allow alison to narrate loss, longing, and lament in the most angelic of ways, which makes for an incredibly bittersweet listening experience. sometimes, I’m in a place where, for one reason or another, I can’t take in something entirely happy or entirely sad, and I need something that attenuates both the best and worst of each quality, kinda like a jack and coke. how appropriate.
“Goodbye Is All We Have”:
“Doesn’t Have to Be This Way”:
“Restless”:
Filed under: grad school, music, rationalization, reflection | Tags: change, classes, dustin kensrue, grad school, grant writing, reflection
never thought I’d title a blog entry with an agricultural term, but there it is.
since august of 2006, my life – especially in the day-to-day sense – has been pretty steady. wake up, shower, go to work, decide how to feel about work that day, do my thing, go home, do self-maintenance stuff, sleep. repeat monday through friday. I say “steady” because it’s pretty neutral; what it really is is stagnant. nothing spectacular, but nothing utterly depressing or out of the ordinary for a freshly minted college graduate. I’ve recognized that routine in itself isn’t a bad thing. sure, it may not be the ideal approach to living. but it’s not bad, especially for me, a closeted control freak still in utter denial that I possess such tendencies; an auteur-type parading as (and still convinced of being) an edgy, improvisational-type.*
the crux of my dissatisfaction in regard to regimen, I found, was the lack of progressive context. my daily doings weren’t amounting to anything bigger, nor were they for anything bigger. I was stagnant because I was directionless. I was directionless because I was stagnant. The ouroboros would be proud.
recognizing this, I’ve slowly started to till the soil that is my life. the calendar year thus far has been filled with thoughts and plans to turn things over, agitate my self-imposed status quo, and reclaim a sense of the future. basically, I’ve somehow mustered up the courage to make decisions and act accordingly.
the biggest thing so far is my commitment to pursue grad school. after months, if not years, of questioning and wondering, I’m convinced now that I want to end up in the 501(c)(3) world, an arena that, at its core, stands profit on its head.** I’ve begun to research schools and their respective programs. I enrolled in an introductory grant-writing class. the GRE prep books are sitting in my room. quite a departure from no plan, no activity.
soil tilled? I’d say so.
scared stiff? even moreso.
and therein lies the next hurdle: to not be frozen by this foreign concept of ambition, to not become debilitated by anxiety, to trust in providence, to rely on grace. even when the soil is tilled, the sower still needs patience and, even still, hope to see something good come of the land.
and I guess that’s where I find myself, in a state of “we’ll see” that seems to pop up way more often in my life than I’d like. however, on the bright side, there’s an implicit, near-hidden freedom at the heart of “we’ll see.” I do what I can, concede my shortcomings to the One who knows me better than I ever will, and simultaneously get to marvel at the grand orchestration that becomes increasingly evident as I learn, at times painfully, to loosen my hold on outcomes.
now, this is all good in words and thought at 3:00am, but reality is, of course, harder. this is, I suppose, the push and pull of our best-laid plans. and this is where, I suppose, the place through which I’ll find myself navigating over the next few months. who knew soil required such upkeep?***
Consider the Ravens – Dustin Kensrue
“between the river and the ravens I’m fed
between oblivion and the blazes I’m led
so father give me faith, providence and grace
between the river and ravens I’m fed
sweet deliverer, oh you lift up my head
and lead me in your way”
*definite future entry fodder.
**an admittedly oversimplified statement. more fodder for a future entry.
***farmers and agrarians need not respond.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: about me, blog, reflection, self indulgence
hey again, everyone. (dear homeland security, this is not a dangerous/threatening blog.)
so, my previous attempt at blogging was a fantastic flameout. it started off well – I was more than excited to write things that I hoped were funny at best and non-boring at worst – but I greatly underestimated the amount of creative energy and impetus it would take to maintain such a blog. thus, the haikus, state rants, and song explications ground to a sudden halt. assuming someone out there hoped to read more, all I can say is “my bad.”
I reckon that I’ve always straddled the line between the creative and reflective. most people have found a way to meld and intersect the two (semi-) successfully; just read the massive amounts of beautiful (and bad but genuinely honest) poetry. these two facets – creativity and reflection – make up a substantial portion of who I am, and my inability to negotiate and combine the two like so many others already have serves as the axis around which my most frequent existential crises and questions revolve.
I reluctantly admit that I’ve got a knack for non-serious, silly writing, but also acknowledge that I’m incapable of masterfully manipulating written word to my liking. I also admit that I possess a penchant for recollection and insight, but am way too self-aware and self-wary to record my thoughts in a genuine manner, which I guess pretty much defeats the purpose of insight. style and wit frequently take precedence over substance and honesty, and I get trapped in the effort to make my thoughts come across as awesome. to whom, I don’t even know.
looking back at my past blogging attempts, it seems as if I’ve played into each of my shortcomings. my first blog ever comes across as a carefully hedged, perfectly managed cross-section of who I was at the time, and ultimately, how I felt about everything. my last blog was, in a way, the exact opposite: an attempt to deflect and distract away from reality, and instead paint skewed, disassociated, and momentarily humorous versions of such.
in light of all that, I guess this blog is my first real attempt at finally striking some sort of agreement between the creative and reflective. in essence, it’ll be a blog about whatever I feel like writing (god, that sounds ridiculously mundane). I assume some days will take on the “today I did this, this, and that” format, while other days may simply be a picture of bird poop on my car that I, for one reason or another, find relates to my attempts at living out some semblance of young adulthood.
so here it goes, another attempt to sequester the internets as a tool for personal growth. we’ll see. in the words of tobias funke, “Let the great experiment begin!”
